Texas Hold ‘Em In Your Mouth

My friends Dave, Nick, and Marc and I, after watching the excellent Triplets of Belleville, decided to play a little cards. Being cheap, however, we don’t like to play for money and being gamers, we don’t like to play for nothing.

All was well, for after putting our heads together, we decided to kill two birds with one stone, as Nick has a tub of Fireballs that he wishes he didn’t. I present to you a marriage between Texas Hold ‘Em and Fireballs, which I call Texas Hold ‘Em In Your Mouth.

The basic premise of betting being committing to increasingly undesirable effects in the hope of being the one to experience a desirable effect, the rule of this game is that the more you bet, the longer you must hold Fireballs in your mouth.

Each bet you make (represented by wrapped Fireballs themselves) increases your time by 10 seconds with a base time of 20 seconds. So if you bet four Fireballs, you’re in it for one minute. After the specified time, you are free to spit out the Fireballs. We found that one Fireball wasn’t enough of a deterrent, so we recommend two Fireballs at once for the allotted time. It is considered sporting to move them around in your mouth for maximum effect.

People who fold before making a bet need not eat Fireballs. Even though the folder has the base 20 seconds, it isn’t enough time to get the pain going and it prevents completely wasting the Fireballs. The winner also gets to avoid Fireballs. As the result is the same for folders and winners, a non-blind player’s incentive to bet at all is merely to make other people suffer. Since that isn’t always enough, blinds are important to encourage play.

The upshot of this is that you have entertaining punishment, people can improve at the game without losing money, and you can ditch a Fireball surplus. Everyone wins.

I find it interesting to note that this entire game revolves around having the least to do with a candy that people apparently buy without duress.